


Failure

by like



Category: South Park
Genre: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, it's mostly a cryde broship fic, the creek is mostly mentioned, tweek doesn't even show up at any time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 17:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13931523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like/pseuds/like
Summary: So yeah, life is shit, which is why he's now staring at an almost full bottle of painkillers in his open medicine cabinet. Those bottles usually contain about 50 pills, right? This should be enough.





	Failure

**Author's Note:**

> boiiiii this is a really bad ooc vent fic idk why i'm even posting it (for the validation probably) based of a true story lolxpxpxpxd  
> also this isn't beta read i literally couldn't bring myself to read this fic over  
> i hope you like it anyway nya

Life is shit. It's no secret. He knows it, his friends know it, his dad knows it, his fucking dog knows it. There's literally nothing any of them can do to change it.

He's stopped believing in the concept of actual, real happiness when he was about 14. Like, he did feel good sometimes, and he did enjoy hanging out with friends and all that, but nothing made him _truly_ happy, you know? His hobbies were kind of boring, mostly because he never felt like he was good at any of them. He liked some TV shows and video games but they mostly helped him pass the time, not really making him _happy_.

So yeah, life is shit, which is why he's now staring at an almost full bottle of painkillers in his open medicine cabinet. Those bottles usually contain about 50 pills, right? This should be enough.

He grabbed the bottle and opened it, looking at the clear turquoise pills. He spilled some next to the sink and pulled up the handle to turn it on. The sound of the water filling the bathroom.

Placing 3 in his hand, he quickly threw them into the back of his mouth, then bent over to the sink to directly drink from it. As soon as the water filled his mouth – the three pills still in there – he swallowed.

Three pills down. Only… 40 more to go?

He kept going like this. 3 pills every time, some water to make them go down easier, and swallow.

After around 30 pills, he felt like his stomach was full. This was probably enough, right? He didn't want to take one pill too many and throw up everything he swallowed before, that would be a waste. He decided to stop there, at 30. At least it was a nice, round number.

'I don't feel anything,' he thought just as his head started getting a little dizzy.

With a small smile of victory, he decided to go to bed. Dying in his sleep would be nice. Once his dad got back from work, he'll just find his corpse, and that's it. There will be no more Clyde.

He was stumbling to his room, his legs not quite holding him up anymore, but he somehow managed to land on his bed and get under his blanket. His head was starting to hurt. He was starting to get excited. Finally, this will all be over.  He wanted to fantasize about everyone's reactions, but sleep took over him before he could.

* * *

Craig's day has started normal. He woke up, got out of bed, brushed his teeth, put on some clothes, ate breakfast, and left for school. Usually when he left the house to go to school Clyde was already waiting for him outside and they walked together, but today he wasn't there. He probably missed his alarm and overslept again. It happened every once in awhile.

Clyde was Craig's best friend, and he was his. They've been friends since they were kids, and they never really broke it off. They were opposites, but it was nice. They sort of completed each other. They had this kind of friendship where if they don't see each other for awhile, they lose their life force. Even Craig's relationship with Tweek wasn't like that, and they've been together for years. But Clyde was just special like that.

He started running memories through his brain while walking to school, since he had nothing better to think about. He smiled whenever he got to a funny memory and frowned when he got to sad memories, probably looking really weird to the people he passed by.

Once he got to school, he quickly went to face his locker and opened it, starting to rummage through it.

"Hey Craig!" He heard Token's voice, "Where's Clyde?"

"I don't know. Probably still sleeping." Craig shrugged.

Token nodded and turned to face his own locker.

Once they were done getting everything ready for class, they walked there together. Their first one was English, and it was usually really boring, so Craig was either using his phone or doodling in his notebook instead of listening.

As soon as he sat down, he pulled out his phone and sent Clyde a message,

**hey where r u**

He realized he probably won't get a response until at least 10, so he just put his phone in his pocket and started doodling.

* * *

It was lunch, and Clyde still hasn't responded. Craig didn't know if he should be worried or if maybe Clyde was just really really tired and needed his sleep. He preferred going with the latter. Usually when Clyde wasn't responding for this long it meant he needed some peace and quiet. But his need for peace and quiet usually also ended after about two hours, so this was weird.

Craig decided he was going to find out what was going on as soon as he got out of school.

And he decided this was going to be right now. He got up from his spot in the lunch table, ignoring all of his friends' "Craig, where are you going?"s, and marched outside the school.

While walking towards Clyde's house, he texted Tweek "hey im going to clydes tell the teachers i wasnt feeling good" and just to be safe, he also sent Token "hey im going to clydes please make sure tweek is okay while im not there". He put his phone back in his pocket and ignored the two following vibrations he felt a few minutes later.

He saw Clyde's house in the distance and started picking up his pace, eager to get there as fast as he could.

He was a little breathless once he got to the front door and knocked on it.

There was no response.

He ringed the doorbell.

No response.

He sighed, looking at the tree next to him in the yard. He hasn't done this in awhile, sneaking into Clyde's room through the tree, but now he was curious if his friend even was home, and if he was, then why wasn’t he answering the door. He didn't want to think what'd happen if he wasn't.

He climbed the tree, then got onto the branch leading to Clyde's window. He could see that the curtain was closed, which was strange, since Clyde usually liked when his room had some light in it.

He knocked on the window. When there was no response, he knocked a little harder.

He could hear a groan even through the window's muffling before he saw the curtain opening to show Clyde's squinting face.

He waved at his friend. Clyde didn't wave in response, but started opening the window instead to let Craig in.

Once they were both inside the room and seated on the bed, Craig started talking. "Did you sleep till now dude?"

"Yeah. God, my head is killing me." Is all Clyde supplied.

"Did you drink last night?"

"Nah man."

"You look hungover."

"Thanks."

Craig felt stuck. While he did see Clyde being sick in the past, or Clyde being hungover, it was never quite like that. Even when his head was exploding or he had a super high fever, Clyde was that… dry. That was the best word Craig could use to describe the boy right now.

He sort of expected Clyde to say something like "thanks, you always know the way to a boy's heart" at his last comment, not liking the one word response he got.

"What's going on?" he tried asking.

"Nothing," was all Clyde said.

"Something's obviously happened, since you look like shit, and you slept for too long, and you won't even look at me now." Craig managed to say monotonously.

"Shut the fuck up Craig, I'm really not in the mood to talk."

"Then tell me what happened, and I'll leave you alone."

Clyde mumbled something Craig couldn't quite hear.

"I can't hear what you just said, Clyde."

"I tried to kill myself last night."

Craig froze. That was not what he expected at all.

"What do you mean by that?" Craig asked, not even trying to hide the concern in his voice.

"I took 30 pills. Painkillers. Guess it wasn't enough after all, huh?" Clyde finally turned his head to look at Craig. He had a crooked smile on his face and tears in his eyes. "I can't do anything right, not even kill myself." He laughed. "I can't believe that. This is so fucking pathetic."

Craig was in too much shock to response, so Clyde took it as a sign to keep talking.

"I fucking hate this, Craig. I hate life. Not because it's bad, but because it's so fucking… useless? There's no meaning to anything. I won't contribute anything to society. I won't change the world. Hell, I probably won't even manage to leave this town and get a decent job because I'm so fucking useless. I don't have any talents, nobody especially likes me, I don't think anyone will care if I actually died." He stopped to let out another laugh, "actually, you know what, at least in this town – I _could_ be remembered. Remembered as the kid who couldn't even kill himself properly. That's more or less the only fate left for me."

Clyde was breathing heavily when he was done talking, his fists shaking by his sides. He looked up at Craig's face and his frustrated and angry expression immediately turned into a surprised one.

Craig was crying. It was hard to notice, because his face looked the same, but Clyde could see the tears.

"It's just…" Craig's voice was shaking when he finally managed to speak, "It makes me sad to hear you saying that about yourself. You don't deserve this, Clyde…"

Clyde immediately tried to protest, but Craig shushed him.

"You're such a good person, and you have so many talents, and it pains me you can't see all that. You make everyone around you laugh and smile all the time – hell, you manage to make me lose my shit every once in awhile, and you know that's rare. If you're unhappy with your talents now, you can develop them, and you can also develop yourself. Why would you… why would you try to stop your own life when you can continue living and growing? When you can prove anyone who has ever said anything bad about you that they're wrong? Who knows, maybe you will be able to change the world some day, and you just don't know it…"

Craig's breath was shaking, but it seemed like he was done talking.

"Look, Craig, I appreciate it and all, but…" Clyde started saying, his voice somehow much more stable than Craig's. "You're basically wrong about everything you just said. There's no hope for me. I have no more room to develop. I'm done. I already accepted it, and you should too. The whole proving people wrong thing? That's just straight up bullshit. I'm not you, Craig, I don't do things out of spite. It's nice you think so highly of me, but you're really wrong. There's nothing I can do, and there's surely nothing _you_ can do to change my mind. I want to die. That's it. I don't expect you to get it, and that's oka-"

"Why do you think I won't get it? I could if you explained it to me."

"No Craig, you won't, because you have a boyfriend who loves you, a family who relatively accepts you, a bunch of friends who look up to you, and also you haven't killed your own mom. I think that's a big enough difference for you to understand why you'll never be able to 'get' me."

Craig could feel his lower lip quiver. He knew Clyde was right about this. He ran out of things to say.

"Please, get out of here. I don't… I don't really wanna see anyone right now." Clyde finally said, getting up and opening the door.

"Clyde, I-"

"Please."

Craig sighed and got up as well. He wanted to help his friend, he really did, but he didn't know how.

So he left the room, then the house. He went back to his house and walked straight to his room. Once he got there, he laid face down on the bed and started crying.

Meanwhile, in his room, Clyde was already thinking about a way that will surely succeed this time.

**Author's Note:**

> i thought about turning this into a chaptered fic and also making it an actual (romantic) cryde fic but idk hm. if you liked this fic and want to see more just comment here and tell me what you want ayyyy.


End file.
